Book review: Carry the Ocean by Heidi Cullinan

About a month ago, everyone I spoke to on a particular Saturday copped an earful about the book I was at that time reading — Carry the Ocean, by Heidi Cullinan. I was about half way through, and teeming with emotion about it. I found myself reading with tears in my eyes and the words ‘this is so amazing’ caught in my throat.

A few times, I think I even told my cat how incredible the book is.

On listening to me rave about it, those who know me well would ask, “Is this another of those books you’ve been reading?” (referring to male/male romances). At which I point I would have to admit the book was about a male/male relationship, BUT… Even if that’s not your thing, I think it’s a book everyone needs to read, because it feels so important.

Carry the Ocean is a new adult ‘coming of age’ story about two special young men. Emmett, 19, is a highly intelligent computer science/maths student, passionate about trains and numbers, and has autism spectrum disorder. He narrates half the story and tells us frankly about his autism and the ‘octopus in his head’ and how he has to remember what facial expressions mean, because he can’t read them. He explains why he rocks and hums and flaps his hands, why he finds it incredibly difficult to look people in the eyes, and… well, everything he can think of about the way he sees the world. Emmett gives us an insight into the condition that is ASD, while making sure we understand everyone on the spectrum is different. He embraces his ‘superpowers’ and accepts his differences from those ‘on the mean’.

Emmett also has a major desperate crush on Jeremey, the boy over the back fence, who he hasn’t even met yet. Jeremey, 18, has severe depressive disorder and clinical anxiety. He narrates the other half the story (in alternating chapters), providing insight into his mental illnesses, which are initially untreated because his parents are gits with their heads in the sand. In his own words, he’s a mess. He can’t go into a retail store any larger than a small cooperative without a panic attack. He’s so depressed and anxious that he can barely function half the time. The way he describes his mental state at his darkest times is sobering and devastating and gut-wrenching.

One of my favourite scenes comes near the start, when Emmett gathers the courage to introduce himself to Jeremey. He’s told us all about Jeremey in the opening chapter, about how he’s rehearsed what he’s going to say when they meet, how important the moment is to him. Then we get their actual meeting from Jeremey’s point of view, and we come to understand how Emmett comes across to those not in his head. I literally wept while reading that scene (and while writing about it now, a month later), because of its awkwardness, because of Emmett’s caring for Jeremey when he freaks out, because of Jeremey’s willingness to overcome his freak out and see Emmett for the person he is. (Need. Tissues. Now.)

I could go on and on about this book. The growth of friendship and trust and love between the two is beautiful. Emmett in particular is so strong, so insightful, so caring — all wrapped up with his autism. His autism is an enormous part of who is he is, but it doesn’t for one minute define him. Jeremey, in fact, has a much greater struggle to deal with life, largely because he doesn’t have the family support, but also because his mental illnesses have gone untreated for so long.

Emmett really is Jeremey’s saviour, but they both wholeheartedly accept each other for who they are. If one of them is incapable of speech for whatever reason, they text each other, sitting side by side. Or use sign language. This happens quite a lot.

The world needs a book like this. A book that tells the stories of young people (any people) with autism, depression and anxiety, a book that makes us understand the obstacles they face and yet shows us how they can build friendships, fall in love, have relationships, find independence. A book that demonstrates their humanity. The fact these two boys are gay is secondary to the broader issues they each face, but brings its own challenges.

I know Carry the Ocean is only fiction, but I am so thrilled Emmett and Jeremey found each other.

This book has changed the way I view the world, made me more tolerant, made me more understanding. The next one in the series is to be a het romance for Emmett and Jeremey’s friend David, who is a wheelchair-bound paraplegic. Kudos to Heidi Cullinan for writing love stories about these minority groups with flare, grace and compassion.

I am now a book evangelist for Carry the Ocean. Go grab it right now!

Links: Goodreads | Amazon | Book Depository (paperback)