Journal ~ In limbo as a last bastion of childhood falls

It’s already over a week since I returned home from my Mongolian adventure. I still have many posts to write about that, but this isn’t going to be one of them. Just to prove I’m not a one-trick pony. (ha!)

I have other things on my mind.

Last bastion of childhood

The house I grew up in (from age 5) was demolished this week. My parents are developing the site, and various delays have meant this was a long time coming… but still I’m finding it rather emotional.

In June, just before my parents moved out of the house for the final time, we had a family farewell event that involved drawing on walls (gasp!) and getting stuck in with a hammer (waah!). My nieces and nephews had a ball.

By the end of this week, it will all be gone.

Although we’re all excited about the impending new townhouses, I personally can’t help but feel sad at what is undoubtedly the end of an era. I lived in that house for over 25 years. It has been the hub of our family for all that time.

Uncountable family celebrations — Christmases, birthdays, graduations. Cooking disasters. Backyard sport. Tantrums. Laughter.

Once, as I stood in the now-flattened jarrah kitchen, a defiant teenager, my mum threw a tub of cornflower on my head. Frustration quickly grew into laughter.

(Better stop. I need tissues.)

Anyway, I just wanted to mark the occasion.


In limbo

Another preoccupation has been my disrupted creative routine.

Routine is a funny thing. I was in a fabulous rhythm for most of the months leading up to the expedition. My creative endeavours were rollicking along nicely and I felt as though I was kicking goals.

But now I find myself in a weird kind of limbo. As I sit here eying a frenzied three-month period of client work, I’m wondering whether I should make the effort to re-establish daily weekday cafe writing sessions. They will either keep me sane in the face of a massive workload… or push me over the edge.

Of course, I’ve returned from what was at least half an experiential research trip bursting with ideas for cultural textures I want to apply to my current work in progress. As well as generally inspired by life and the great beyond to forge ahead and create.

So how much do I allow myself to be swept up in creative endeavours in the next few months? The fact I have a writing retreat scheduled for later in August is providing the ultimate temptation.

5 comments

  1. I think I’d be freewriting like crazy, trying to get as much detail down before it faded from my memory. Or at least I’d WANT to be freewriting like crazy while trying to juggle the reality of my daily life.
    😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, but it’s all in my travel journal… almost every spare moment was spent scribbling furiously!

      No, the dilemma is whether to immerse myself again only to get frustrated when I’m forced to pull out again for work reasons. I have a tendency to neglect paid work and the next three months are peak earning for me. My brain says I should devote myself to that for a while.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. As I’m about to move from a beloved home that I’ve lived in for 10 years (and experiencing mixed emotions for sure), I can definitely relate to the sadness over your childhood home being demolished. I love your letter to it! And, I find that it’s always a challenge to re-enter routine after being in such a completely different world/rhythm as you were on your travels. Maybe part of you still wants to hold the space for your journey before settling into routine again?

    Like

    1. Thanks, Jill. The only way I get anywhere is to have some sort of routine – even if it’s a flexible/modular one as I’ve had since going self-employed. As it is, without the structure of an office environment, I find accounting for my time rather hard!

      I rather like having my creative endeavours wedged into the routine – it’s productive at least. The question I’m facing is whether to stay ‘on pause’, for my business’s sake… Or whether to jump back in, for my sanity’s!

      Liked by 1 person

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