Diary of a Devilcat: Canine invasion

Chenna

Bah! Dog. At least I think it’s a dog. Smelly, yappy, panting thing.

Buddy

Here. In my house. On my couch. Polluting my garden. Drinking my water. EATING MY FOOD.

It came on Tuesday. Its name is Buddy. It — oh, all right, he — has completely taken over the house. His stuff is everywhere, all over the floor. A silly green sock. A silly soft football. A silly squeaking pig.

I can’t do anything, go anywhere, without being reminded of his presence. He’s put me completely off my food.

Speaking of food: He actually stole some of mine! It’s not like he needs any extra food. I’ve seen him get bones and breakfast and dinner and treats. Nope. Definitely not lacking in sustenance. And still he must need steal mine. Off the table.

I’m starving.

I cannot be expected to eat when he’s watching me. My food bowl has been moved onto the counter in the bathroom now, and I nibbled at it this afternoon. But after a few mouthfuls I looked up and there he was, standing at the bathroom door, staring, staring, with his beady brown velvet eyes. My stomach flipped with revulsion and I couldn’t eat any more.

But he is scared of me a little, I think. I haven’t yet needed to swipe his nose, although I am itching to do it. At the moment he’ll back down if I growl and hiss.

But I have been sharpening my claws, just in case.

And now I put to you a question: If you were cat (devilish or otherwise), how would YOU like it if your house got invaded by a dog?

12 comments

  1. The important thing is the make sure he knows who’s boss. If that means swiping a nose now and again, so be it. Try not to think of time as an invasion but a potential servant to do you bidding!

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  2. I feel rather mean admitting that reading this has me far too amused–I mean, considering the obvious distress in your household.

    Don’t forget you can always take the invading galoot’s “little bit scared” and quickly grow it into something larger (easily accomplished with that aforementioned swipe or two) and he just might request immediate transfer.

    Good luck with that.

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  3. For years our household included two cats, until two or three years ago when my daughter convinced me to get a dog. By the end of Burnsie’s first week with us, our cat Woody was his best friend. It took Sara, the other cat, a solid year to come out of hiding. We took to calling her the Invisi-kitty or the Evapo-Cat. Only saw her at mealtimes. Still, she doesn’t want anything to do with the dog, and hisses & carries on whenever he comes near her. Which he does, as often as possible, because he’s a little twit and I think he thinks it’s funny to watch her freak out.
    Yeah, never a dull moment here at Chez Rancourt…
    😉

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    1. It just goes to show that animals DO have different personalities, doesn’t it. Chenna doesn’t hide — much to my surprise, really. She seems to be braving it out, trying to show Buddy who’s boss, but still clearly unhappy. I cannot imagine she would ever become best buddies with Buddy (heh) or any dog, though.

      She has eaten a little by now. Fractions of her usual intake, but at least she’s had something.

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  4. Dear Devilcat,

    I hear ya. Dogs are icky. And smelly. And the drool? Those are the worst. Dogs have no manners and think they can just go anywhere in the house even though savvy cats like us have clearly marked every corner as our ultimate domain. Clueless creatures, they are. I’ll never understand how the humans can stand them.

    Stay strong, compadre. Sounds like your smelly visitor will not be a permanent addition to your castle. Unlike my silly human, yours isn’t angling to bring one home for good. Don’t worry, though. I have a plan in place. My human doesn’t know I’ve procured a cell phone and have taught myself to text the humane society and dog rescue groups with “anonymous concerns from the community” about her. A bit devious, certainly. But drastic times call for drastic measures, amiright?

    In Feline Solidarity,
    Henry

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    1. Dear Henry

      I’m pleased to report the smelly visitor has left the building — thanks to all the catgods. Can I suggest you permit your human to borrow a canine for a test drive… you may find your human thinks twice about inviting a needy, distracting, adventurous canine to live with you.

      I bet your human would start to value much more highly your good sense and independence… after all, I bet YOU don’t demand walks twice a day (involving stopping and sniffing and dragging, so that it’s no exercise for the human, only time consuming), and I bet you don’t demand your human plays with you when she’s trying to write…

      After a canine, our relentless need to sit on laps or keyboards will seem positively TAME. Just a thought!

      Good luck with your cunning plan, though.

      Your also in feline solidarity
      Chenna (aka devilcat – and proud of it)

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      1. Dear Chenna,

        Praise be to the catgods that the smelly visitor returned from whence he came! I wish I were only so lucky. I’m writing to you from the solitary confinement of my cell. My human did the deed yesterday. Yes, she brought home our very own smelly visitor. And not just your average canine. No, she couldn’t just go get any moderately-sized dog. She had to rescue a veritable beast from the humane society. A big lug of a fella.

        I think she may have adopted a horse the more I get a look at him through the cat door of the room she’s sequestered me in. She says it’s for my comfort. And for me and the beast to “get used to each other.” As if. The woman has quite the imagination. Then again, she is a writer so I can’t really come down too hard on her for her faulty thinking.

        The only good thing to come out of this is the extra treats she’s been giving me. I’m wondering how long I can pull off the guilt trip so she keeps that up. It’s my one and only solace in this dark time. I’d say wish me luck, but I think I’m gonna need more than that.

        Claws ‘n’ Paws Unite,
        Henry

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