Diary of a Devilcat: How to get more food

Says the devilcat:

Here’s the thing. Normally I get just two meals a day. Meager meals. One in the morning and one in the evening.

And always the same food — some expensive dry concoction to stop me from getting urinary tract infections. It’s really all rather dull.

In the morning, I have to sit on Ellen’s pillow and jab her scalp or cheek with my claws until she wakes up. (Have you seen the famous Simon’s Cat clip?) She can never withstand this treatment for very long, and will invariably stagger out of bed and scoop out my food using a measuring spoon.

Did you register that? A measuring spoon. She measures out my food. Every day.

It’s the same deal when she gets home from work. Straight for the measuring scoop… My daily allocation is a pathetic 1/2 cup of dry food every day. (Yeah, OK, I know it’s a nutritionally balanced and calory rich vet food — whatever.)

Now, I know I’m not as svelte as I could be. In fact, the vet suggested Ellen cut down my food even further in an attempt to slim down. But if you think I’m going to stand for having my already tiny meals scaled down even further…

Well, I’m not.

I’m sooo not doing that, I’ve figured out (while Ellen is not working) how to con her into feeding me extra!

It’s actually ridiculously easy. All I need to do is ask.

Yep. All I need to do is jump up onto her desk and get in her face while she’s trying to work, and I get food. Every day she’s home I get an extra scoop. Some days, if I’m persistent and start early enough, I even get two extra scoops.

She grumbles and tells me I’m going to get fat, but she keeps on feeding me because at least it gets me out of her face. (Cold nose on her cheeks… furry rump on her mouse cord… teeth marks on her wrist… )

It’s too too simple. Now I’ve fooled her into thinking three scoops every afternoon/evening is normal, whereas before it used to be two. She’s even adjusted the settings on my automatic feeder, used when she goes away.

I’d call that a victory. Devilcat 1… Ellen 0…

Now, what rule shall I overturn next?

11 comments

  1. Our cats have convinced my husband that 0430 is breakfast time, and this morning I’m ready to send them all out to his sister’s farm to be barn cats (him too, actually).
    😉

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  2. I guess the one advantage I have in not having a cat at this point is that I can sleep late! And really, two tablespoons of food? Devilcat is sure into exaggeration. Or is he telling the truth? I would expect him to fib a bit just to gain our sympathy.

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    1. I’m astounded you don’t have a cat, Janice! Are you between feline companions, then? Yes, the sleeping in factor, must be nice… although I just roll over and go back to sleep, often with the devilcat on top of me.

      Chenna is actually telling the truth — she does get two (or, ahem, three) scoops per meal. Each scoop is 1/8 metric cup, which probably isn’t much more than a tablespoon…

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  3. Dear Chenna,

    We have our humans well-trained, too. Even though we have a fully functioning, easy to use cat door to let ourselves in and out as we wish, it is so much fun sitting at the big human door and meowing until someone gets up to let us out. It’s kind of like having your own butler. We highly recommend this service.

    Your pen pals in the U.S.,
    Oliver and Henry

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    1. Dear Oliver and Henry

      Thanks for the tip! I must try that some day. I rather like the idea of having a butler. Hmmm. Purrrrrrr.

      Got any more devilish tips for training humans? I could let you have one of my posting slots on Ellen’s blog… if you want.

      Your friend
      Chenna (aka Devilcat Downunder)

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  4. I know that pat-on-the-cheek-claw-not-quite-out-enough-to-scratch feeling. Dawn, whenever that happens to be. Please, Devilcat, listen to your vet you really don’t want diabetes.

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      1. My cat started to drink constantly. We in Qld and while having a BBQ she’d go to the edge of the pool and lap and then a minute later she was back at it, over and over. She lived for another four or five years with two injections a day.

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