Category Archives: Diary of a Devilcat

June 14, 2013

Diary of a Devilcat: Beware my Evil Eye

By Ellen Gregory

Says Chenna the devilcat:

Ellen is letting me write the WANAFriday post today, because the estimable Liv Rancourt has acknowledged that “cats run the internet” and challenged humans to post about their favourite pets, real or imaginary. She might just be my new favourite person…

Well, I can assure you I am very much real and I am going to do a post about ME! Specifically I am going to tell you about my evil eye.

Chenna evileye Devilcat

Chenna Evileye Devilcat

You may well stare… But the fact is one of my eyes changed colour 5-6 years ago, bestowing upon me a rakish air and providing feline eye specialists around the world with much food for thought. Read on to find out why!

(The following has been extracted from my dormant blog, Feline in Therapy — which should totally not be dormant, because it’s awesome, but Ellen will never give me any time at the computer… She’s a computer hog.)

***

16 July 2008

We visited the opthamologist this evening. Ellen has been going on and on about my left eye, which has changed colour over the past year or so. Maybe longer. I haven’t thought much of it, but we asked Dr Caroline to look at it when we visited last month and she recommended we visit a specialist.

So today we saw Dr Chloe. And now it seems as though it might be something serious after all. Or at least it might lead to something serious. Melanoma of the iris – skin cancer of the eye! Dr Chloe says if it changes colour, goes darker, I might even need to have my eye removed!

What can you say to something like that? How would I go with only one eye? I’ve heard that cats can’t judge distance when they only have eye. This makes leaping onto things hard. (It’s hard when you’re carrying a bit of extra weight as well!) And probably Ellen would make me stay inside all day, or maybe build me a cat run, instead of being able to go in and out as I choose. But maybe it would be OK . . .

There is a worse scenario of course, but let’s not think about that.

I will add, however, that despite these devastating tidings, I behaved beautifully at the eye doctor today. Only one half-hearted swipe and a faint growl. Other than that, I was placid and very very very good. Dr Chloe might actually even like me.

7 December 2008

The week before last, we went back to the eye specialist. You know, the one who wants to yank my eye out? Well, I did NOT want to go there, and I made sure Ellen knew it. She was so certain I would be good so long as she fed me before we went, but I wasn’t falling for that again. To make it even more worthwhile, the vet had students witness my examination, and I’m not sure they’d ever encountered such a devilcat as I. Ha Ha! I showed them! Hiss, spit, scratch. In the end they had to wrap me up in a towel. (I didn’t like that so much.)

I have to go back AGAIN in another four months. But at least I get to keep my eye for the time being. The specialist vets are fascinated by my eye, and have evidently been asking other opinions in on-line vet chatrooms. Cool huh?

But do you know how off-putting it is hearing people talk about ripping your eye out? As though it was a splinter or something! I mean REALLY! This is my EYE we’re talking about!

8 May 2009

The good news is that I get to keep my eye for another three months at least! Went to the specialist this evening (and I behaved extremely well, I might add), and once again suffered Dr Rachel and her accomplice to shine bright lights into my eye, and poke it and prod it, and take photos of it. Not pleasant! And I didn’t scratch once! (Although I did hiss quite a few times.)

Anyway, Dr Rachel thinks it might have changed a little bit, but not too much, and she didn’t think there were any raised lesions, so I don’t know what Ellen was on about. All in all, they dithered and muttered and postulated and prevaricated, until they finally decided that the odds were slightly in my favour and I should come back in another 3 months.

So that’s what we’ll do I guess.

19 August 2009

Got dragged off to the eye specialist today. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I’m either suffering home alone in silence, while Ellen goes out socialising, or being shoved into the carrier and subjected to trauma.

And so today they turn all the lights down, luring me into a false sense of security, then they shine bright lights straight in my eye!! Sheesh. AND they take a gazillion photos of it, with the flash spearing me time and again. Hateful.

The only good to come out of it was the knowledge that it’ll probably be six months before I get subjected to that again.

I heard Dr Chloe say that if the eye had been cancerous when she first saw it over a year ago, I would now be dead. So in view of that, she reckons it’s not cancerous. Hmph. Cold comfort!

27 August 2009

Well, it looks like I’m not out of the woods yet. My specialist, Dr Chloe, is in discussions with her colleague about whether or not they should rip my eye out. I’m trying not to think about it.

16 December 2009

We heard from Dr Chloe today and the FANTASTIC news is that after much debate among the various eye specialists at Animal Eye Care in Malvern, they have decided I get to keep my eye for the time being. Woo hoo!

It’s not the end of the road yet, though. We will still be monitoring it carefully for any change, but they reckon it can’t be cancerous yet, because if it were I’d probably be dead already. (Sobering thought.)

So, we go back in February for another check up and see what happens after that . . .

***

So what happened after that? NOTHING! We visited the eye specialist every six months for a while and now I’m on annual checkups. There’s very little change — other than the colour getting “more diffuse”, which basically means the striations first exhibited are disappearing. Dr Chole checks no ducts are getting clogged and that the pigment isn’t getting dark and black, which could indicate melanoma.

Imagine if they had ripped out my eye on the pretext it might be cancerous after our first visit five years ago? I was contemplating being ‘Ol Chenna One Eye’ there for a while, but am most thankful it hasn’t happened.

And you wonder why I’m a DEVILCAT?

Heh ~ This is now a very long post. Bet Ellen is regretting letting me loose at the keyboard!

And now, as though you haven’t already heard enough about me, here are some pictures. Maybe if you look close you can see my evil eye…

A good spot to sleep
I don’t go up here much anymore – hmm
This is my favourite place
Spot of sunshine
Overseeing activities at a writing retreat
The best way of helping
My garden – get out!

***

To join the WANAfriday fun, tweet your post to #wanafriday and add your link in the comments. I’ll try to update the list of participants here too.

  • Janice Heck introduces us to Snaggletooth
  • Liv Rancourt introduces us to Burnsie
  • Cora Ramos draws parallels between dog packs and writers and introduces us to Buddy and Milton

Has your pet got any weird health issues?

8 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Diary of a Devilcat, wanafriday

May 22, 2013

Diary of a Devilcat: How to get more food

By Ellen Gregory

Says the devilcat:

Here’s the thing. Normally I get just two meals a day. Meager meals. One in the morning and one in the evening.

And always the same food — some expensive dry concoction to stop me from getting urinary tract infections. It’s really all rather dull.

In the morning, I have to sit on Ellen’s pillow and jab her scalp or cheek with my claws until she wakes up. (Have you seen the famous Simon’s Cat clip?) She can never withstand this treatment for very long, and will invariably stagger out of bed and scoop out my food using a measuring spoon.

Did you register that? A measuring spoon. She measures out my food. Every day.

It’s the same deal when she gets home from work. Straight for the measuring scoop… My daily allocation is a pathetic 1/2 cup of dry food every day. (Yeah, OK, I know it’s a nutritionally balanced and calory rich vet food — whatever.)

Now, I know I’m not as svelte as I could be. In fact, the vet suggested Ellen cut down my food even further in an attempt to slim down. But if you think I’m going to stand for having my already tiny meals scaled down even further…

Well, I’m not.

I’m sooo not doing that, I’ve figured out (while Ellen is not working) how to con her into feeding me extra!

It’s actually ridiculously easy. All I need to do is ask.

Yep. All I need to do is jump up onto her desk and get in her face while she’s trying to work, and I get food. Every day she’s home I get an extra scoop. Some days, if I’m persistent and start early enough, I even get two extra scoops.

She grumbles and tells me I’m going to get fat, but she keeps on feeding me because at least it gets me out of her face. (Cold nose on her cheeks… furry rump on her mouse cord… teeth marks on her wrist… )

It’s too too simple. Now I’ve fooled her into thinking three scoops every afternoon/evening is normal, whereas before it used to be two. She’s even adjusted the settings on my automatic feeder, used when she goes away.

I’d call that a victory. Devilcat 1… Ellen 0…

Now, what rule shall I overturn next?

11 comments   |  tags: , , | posted in Diary of a Devilcat

June 20, 2012

Diary of a Devilcat: Telling the vet what’s what

By Ellen Gregory

Picture this: me, face down in my carry case… a fluffy rug on top of me… Ellen holding me down by the shoulders… the vet nurse holding down my hind legs under a second towel… the vet peels back a corner of the rug and jabs not one, but TWO separate needles into my back. No, I was not happy.

Wind the clock back half an hour or so. Ellen comes home, feeds me as usual, but then drags down the carry case. Instantly I’m on alert, even when it’s just sitting there in the middle of the floor and she’s ignoring it, but I must have had a brain fade, because next thing I know she’s shoving me into it and I start mewling pitiously. (Normally I hide under the bed.)

Fortunately, the vet’s really close, so the car journey was a mere blip in the entire ordeal, but then we arrived in the vet waiting room and that’s where the critters were. There were two of them. Not very big, but the moment they saw me they wouldn’t leave me alone. They stared at me. And talked to me. One even attempted to stick a finger inside my carrier case.

Hunched at the back of my carrier I growled and hissed at them, but this seemed only to draw them in closer.

I was relieved to be called in to see the vet. But it turned out to be some man I didn’t know, instead of my usual vets, Dr Caroline or Dr Jenny. I guess my reputation must have preceded me, because he seemed a bit tentative, which made me grrr.

But then he proceeded to clean my ears! I never heard of such a thing… He stuck a swab into my ear and swirled it about and and I heard him ask Ellen if she’d be happy to repeat the process every two weeks. (I don’t think she was too impressed with the prospect.)

Needless to say I wasn’t too impressed either. I hate going to the vet at the best of times, but after being traumatised by midgets and havings things stuck in my ears, I’d had enough. And I let rip. Teeth. Claws. Lots of both. And growling.

And that is how I ended up crammed under two blankets, held down by two bystanders, while the vet gave me my jabs.

2 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in Diary of a Devilcat

April 2, 2012

Diary of a Devilcat: How to be helpful

By Ellen Gregory

Ha! Chenna here. I’m back! It’s taken a great deal of coaxing and smooching, but Ellen has finally let me back near the keyboard . . . er, that is, she’s letting me type something rather than merely batting me away (rather ineffectually, I might add).

Today it’s time for a little lesson in how to be helpful — specifically with whatever computer-based project your human might be engaged with. Those humans — especially mine — spend an inordinate amount of time sitting at computers. The least we felines can do is become engaged with their work.

This brings me to Devilcat Tip #2:

Always take a keen interest, get as close as possible, and don’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

What you’ve got to remember is that the humans think they don’t need our help. They’re deluded of course, stark raving. So it’s our duty to show unconditional support and make them see how helpful we can be.

The first step is a no-brainer — get thee up on top of the desk. You can’t do much from the floor. You’ve got to be up around eye-level. Get in your human’s line of sight. Block her view of the computer screen. Shove your wet nose in her face. That’s how you show you care.

What? You already do this? Okay, I told you it was a no-brainer. I suppose next you’ll be telling me you already force your way onto your human’s lap as well. That’s so obvious.

Now I’m going to reveal how a Devilcat does it.

Sure, there’s the time-old tradition of lapwarming. This is particularly helpful to humans during Winter — but make sure you knead well the lap first, and take up so much space your human ends up squinting at the screen. And, if you have the chance, rest your head on her wrist while she’s trying to type.

But that’s not the best advice I have to offer. This is it. Find the optimum position on the desk from which you can reach your human’s mouse hand. And whenever you get the opportunity, STRIKE! Teeth or claws, it doesn’t matter. STRIKE STRIKE STIRIKE. Time and again until the blood is running.

You might be surprised to know that it takes a lot to get your human to move. I tell you, they are glued to those computers! You’d think they’d take the hint and abandon their task when suffering a Devilcat to torture their hand. But no. Sometimes Ellen swears at me. Occasionally she wrestles me to the floor. (This is of course pointless. It only results in me drawing more blood, and leaping back onto the table channelling the demon madness.) But all the while she keeps going with whatever it is she’s doing that has her tap tap tapping. Until suddenly she can’t bear it any more.

And this is how I’m being helpful. Humans have back problems, neck problems, eye problems, obesity problems, fitness problems — all from spending too much time on computers! It is my mandate as a Devilcat to make her get up from that computer and do something other than tap tap tap.

So what do you all reckon? Do you have similar experiences to mine? Any Devilcats at your house?

PS – (Simon’s Cat has the right idea in the video ‘Cat and Mouse’ but he’s still a bit of a pussy.)

18 comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Diary of a Devilcat

February 20, 2012

Diary of a Devilcat: What to do with rodents

By Ellen Gregory

Hi, I’m Chenna, and I’m SO EXCITED that Ellen has once more unleashed my blogging prowess after two years of keyboard banishment, that I’m of half a mind to be good.

Nah. No way!

She damn well deserves the full devilcat treatment after halting my therapy in such an unceremonious manner. No wonder I’m so feral! I mean, here I was, going along fine with my very own blog, thank you very much, when suddenly I’m not allowed to use the computer any more. No explanation. Just a big fat no-you-have-to-stay-on-the-floor-now.

Well, rat-poo to that. As if she could keep me on the floor, anyway! But no matter how many times I sat on the keyboard chewing her wrist, or stuck my nose in her face as she tried to type, she hasn’t relented in two years.

But now I’m back, and I’ve saved up so many amazing devilcat stories to share with you all, that Ellen had better watch those wrists as I fight my way to the keyboard. If I have my way, I’ll get to post every Monday and shock you all with tales (and tails) of mayhem and murder. [Ed. The devilcat is wishful thinking.]

Speaking of murder… Let’s get the ball rolling with my most recent deeds of devilcat daring do.

There are these rats that live outside somewhere and seem to think it’s OK to run along the fence in my garden. If you ask me, they’re just asking for trouble when there’s a, you know, DEVILCAT watching them. I watch them for a bit, gauge their speed, their favourite routes, the tiny hidey-holes where I can’t reach them. And I time my attack purrfectly.

No-one’s gonna miss a few stupid rats, now, are they? (Well, OK, I admit I’m picking them off one at a time.)

You might be thinking this is purrfectly normal feline behaviour. And it is. But right here I’m going to reveal my new Devilcat Tip #1:

“A devilcat always leaves dead rodents (preferably disembowelled) where they might be stepped on by unsuspecting humans.”

You got that? Good.

My favourite trick is to leave them on the bedroom floor sometime during the early hours of the morning. Only after I’ve played with them for an hour or so, of course, their guts spilling over the floor, droplets of blood decorating the floorboards…

The best place so far has been right in the bedroom doorway, and blessed-catgods did Ellen shriek! The one last week, right next to the bed, got a pretty good reaction too.

Makes me want to go catch another one, right now… [Ed. Oh no, please no!]

While I’m out doing that, why don’t you share with me your favourite places to leave dead rodents? We could have a competition to see who can get their humans to shriek the loudest, or something. And don’t forget to come back next week, when I’ll have another cool story and devilcat tip!

10 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Diary of a Devilcat

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 469 other followers

%d bloggers like this: